Please enjoy this excerpt from the draft of my autobiography Girls Don’t Ride Motorbikes – A Spiritual Adventure Into Life’s Labyrinth which was not included in the final publication in 2012.
The following describes my quest for understanding and navigating through the complex, often hidden web of ancestral patterns to find clarity and healing, as well as my discovery of labyrinths as a tool for integration of deeper spiritual processes.
My search to study and to explore the hidden aspects of my soul continues. I am intrigued with Family Constellations, which was developed by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. This work goes far beyond the individual human being and examines the entire family as a system. Difficult fates and traumatic experiences from previous generations continue to create havoc in the present generation, because strong loyalties in families transcend time and are often beyond our understanding.
Family Constellations reveals the secrets and mysteries in a family.
My knowledge about my ancestors is very limited. My parents told me about my grandparents, and I have learned a little bit about my maternal great-grandparents, all of them dairy farmers. There is no research I can do. The city halls in the German Lower Rhine Valley were completely destroyed at the end of World War II. All information was lost.
In my personal search for meaning, I am puzzled by my connection to Israel and the comfort I feel when I am surrounded by Jewish people. Now, after living in the United States since 1998, if confronted with the choice between moving to Germany or Israel, I would immediately choose Israel, where I lived for eight and a half years from 1989 to 1997.
At 21, when I was backpacking in Brazil, I met Israeli travelers, and for the first time learned that my name is a typical modern-day Israeli name for women of my generation. I was baffled when they asked if I was Jewish and recalled the countless times people had questioned if my name wasn’t Doris or Dorothee, because Dorit was not a familiar name.
I grew up Catholic on a dairy farm in Germany’s Lower Rhine Valley. There was no connection to Jewishness, and my mom doesn’t recall what inspired her to call me Dorit. In Hebrew, every name contains a deeper meaning and the essence of my name Dorit (דּוֹרִית) primarily means “generation.” It is derived from the Hebrew word dor (דור), which translates to “generation.” It is deeply tied to the Jewish cultural concept of l’dor v’dor, meaning “from generation to generation.”
Family Constellations Transformed my Life
I experienced my first family constellation with Mark Wolynn in his Pittsburgh office in 2001. Mark was of slender build and had serious, compassionate brown eyes. We were a group of fourteen people, sitting in a big circle. We centered ourselves and took a few deep breaths with our eyes closed. Then, Mark asked me to take a seat next to him.
“I will work with you,” he said calmly.
For a few moments, there was silence.
“Pick three representatives. One for you, one for your father and one for your mother.”
He assisted me in placing the representatives. The man representing my father stood to the right of the representative of my mother. My representative, the child, stood in front of the parents. Mark asked me to choose one representative for each generation. Women and men lined up behind my parents up to seven generations back.
Mark and I took a seat and watched what happened. At first glance, the constellation looked like a role play. But there was much more to it. The representatives intuitively tuned into the energy field of the family constellation, and the people they represented. They were able to describe emotions, thoughts, aches and pains, and mannerisms that were unique to the person they stood for.
The woman representing my mother felt uncomfortable. The representative of my father wanted to move away, so he could breathe. My representative felt detached and uncomfortable. The person who represented my grandparents swayed from left to right, but felt stable. The people standing for the next generations were at ease.
“It is time to bring in the issue. Dorit, please pick a representative for your issue,” Mark said.
We had spoken earlier, and no one in the group knew that the issue was “Jewishness.”
I picked a woman in her late twenties and placed her close to the generations. Instantly the dynamic changed.
My mother’s representative swayed fiercely and turned her head toward the previous generations; her gaze was directed to the ground. The man standing for my father took a step aside and turned his head away. Then, there was a loud sound; the man representing the fifth generation fell onto the floor, his eyes stared wide open at the issue, and then he cried. The woman for the fourth generation knelt, also in tears.
I observed silently, and my heart was torn apart; the atmosphere was dense with pain and suffering. My representative moved behind my mom’s representative, held her shoulders, and with tear-filled eyes took in the scene. The second and third generations were stiff and immovable, as if they did not want to see what was happening behind them. The man standing for the sixth generation had a sad expression and wanted to reach out to the person lying on the floor. I was drawn to the man who represented the seventh generation. Despite the turmoil, he stood strongly, both feet grounded, his spine straight, his determined eyes looking forward with pride and honor.
Mark stood up and asked the representatives to repeat releasing statements. First, he moved to my mom’s representative.
“Look back to the fifth generation and say: I see you.”
My mom’s representative looked at the person who was lying on the ground; her voice shook as she repeated the words. The person nodded and lifted his head.
“Please say: You are Jewish and I am Jewish too,” Mark suggested.
My mom’s representative had difficulty speaking these words. She took a few deep breaths and then repeated, “You are Jewish and I am Jewish too.” The sound of a sigh filled the room. A breeze of lightness swept through the scene. The man in the role of the fifth generation exhaled heavily and then got on his knees.
Mark said, “Once truth is spoken, it resonates in the field of consciousness of the family soul and the system can heal.”
Mark moved toward my representative. “Say: I see you,” and he pointed towards the man on his knees.
She repeated these words and tears streamed down her face. She and the man looked at each other. There was a solid bond of love. He exhaled again and then slowly stood up.
“Please repeat: I see you. In honor of your Jewishness, I have many Jewish friends. I have always seen you,” Mark said.
My representative spoke these words, and the generations relaxed and breathed out again. Everyone stood straight up. The man in the role of the fifth generation smiled.
“Now, look at your mother,” Mark suggested, “and say: “Dear mom, I see you and your Jewishness. I have surrounded myself with Jewish people to honor you.”
The words were spoken, and mother and daughter embraced.
Marks brought me into the family constellation. I replaced my representative and stood in front of the woman in the role of my mom. My heart was open, and I relaxed into love.
I repeated one last releasing statement and looked into the eyes of my mom’s representative.
“It was too painful for you to look at this, and I had to see it for you. Now we both see.” I felt relieved. An immense burden lifted off my heart. We embraced each other.
“Now we will do a ceremony to reconcile the German and Jewish side, within you,” Mark recommended.
I stood in front of my parents. I felt my mother and my father right behind me, and I perceived a flow of strength originating from my ancestors and reaching out to me beyond time and space.
Marks suggested that I open my arms wide, palms facing up, and in a slow, deliberate movement bring my hands together above my head. My eyes were closed, and I followed his instruction. I was surprised by the intensity of my erupting emotions. I was happy and sad at the same time.
I felt pain and knew that this was my chance to let it go. I was resistant and took deep breaths, trying to release my inner blocks and perceptions in order to open myself to the experience of peace, love, and ancestral strength. I completed the movement, and then I turned around and looked at everyone.
My heart filled with tremendous love and strength. I looked into the eyes of every one of the representatives. It was not them I saw. Their bodies changed form and shape, shifted into my real ancestors, standing before me in flesh and blood. My dad, whom I miss, was right there. I felt my mom’s great love, and I saw the generations. Faces from a previous century, their destinies etched into their features. Every one of them carried their fate with dignity and honor and sent their love and strength through eternity right into my heart.
The days following the family constellation, I was in an altered state of expansion. My life was enriched, my understanding broadened. My view of reality changed as I received another piece of the puzzle on my journey to become whole. Answers to questions that tormented me throughout my adult life had emerged.
I can only speculate what may have happened. I perceive that my Jewish ancestors were likely persecuted during the pogroms in the nineteenth century. Those who survived went into hiding and assumed new identities as Christians.
Even though there is no solid evidence to prove my Jewish roots, spiritually I have found peace, and my soul knows the truth.
Personal Transformation and Strong Ancestral Roots with Family Constellations
The way I approach myself and every one of my clients altered from that day on. Now, I look at the individual and take into account the fate of their family. With this new focus, I am able to pave the way for good solutions and mind-opening insights.
In 2001, I enrolled in the Systemic Family Constellation training at the Hellinger Institute in Washington, DC. My teachers were Susan and John Ulfelder, a dynamic couple who radiate strength, dedication, and a thorough commitment to the healing path.
Susan is quiet, gentle and attentive, yet powerful and straightforward when she does the work. She dresses in professional attire, always matching pants and blouse. Her long graying hair is always neatly pulled back, accentuated with a pretty scarf. She is a naturopath and hands-on healer.
Her husband John, an architect, was drawn into the field of healing by the life-changing results he witnessed attending the family constellations. His silver hair, bright clear blue eyes, his scientific mind, and joyful sense of humor give him the aura of the wise man who lightens up the classroom.
The third teacher on board was Dale Schusterman, a chiropractor and the author of “The Sign Language of the Soul,” an effective self-healing system to balance body and mind, based on the Jewish mystics’ kabbalistic tree of life. Dale is a serious man and an immeasurable source of insight and knowledge.
During my training, I learned about the loyalties and entanglements in a family system. I learned to see how negative judgment and the blaming of the parents wreak disastrous havoc in people’s lives. The work is a work of love and about being in agreement with everything that happened, so reconciliation can happen. The task of the facilitator is to uncover the hidden entanglements and reveal the core of love to the system. Only then can healing occur. I learned to open the channels so love and strength flow from generation to generation. The most important releasing statements are:
- “Yes.”
- “Please.”
- “Thank you.”
- Those who are excluded or have suffered terrible fates urge us to see them, so they can rest in peace, “I see you” is a potent phrase to release conflict.
The experiences in my training were intense and demanding. They completely shattered my old beliefs and perceptions about the world. As I grew in my understanding and opened my mind to the upper worlds and the higher laws of reality, I needed urgently to stay grounded.
I ran. I went jogging every day so I could feel my body.
Spiritual growth is only possible if we are grounded in the physical realm. I knew that my well-developed, strong, and healthy roots would allow my spirit to soar. I learned that the strongest roots a human being can experience on earth are to be connected to the flow of love from their ancestors.
Labyrinths as Tools for Spiritual Integration and Transformation
At the same time, I realized that my daily one-hour sitting meditation practice in the morning no longer satisfied me. My body wanted to move. I recalled a walking meditation class, in which I had participated several years before at the East Liberty Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh.
The church was built in the style of twelfth century gothic cathedrals. Magnificently colored stained glass windows allow the light to stream in and intensify the experience of sacredness. Thirty people gathered in the basement, where the event took place.
A huge canvas was rolled out displaying a labyrinth. We were instructed to follow the one-way path to the center, enter into each of the six petals of the rose, and then follow the same path out.
The labyrinth looked like a perfect mandala, a round structure which can be found in every culture and religion. In my meditation classes, I teach my students to color mandalas to reconnect to their childlike playfulness, enhance reflection, and solve problems.
A mandala led us to the middle. The middle represents the origin and the final destination. It contains everything that is. It is the center of unity in a world of polarity. Mandalas are efficient tools for meditation; they lead us to stillness and inner silence. The continuous chatter of the mind ceases to exist.
My first labyrinth walk was a pleasant experience. I enjoyed the walk and the silent exchange with my fellow seekers as we stepped aside or made place for each other while following the narrow path. But I did not walk another labyrinth for years.
Now, I find the labyrinth to be the exact match for the longing of my soul. The Westminster Presbyterian Church opened a labyrinth. My first day there, as I stepped closer to it, a sensation of knowing and familiarity flooded through me. I was drawn in, and I carefully followed the path of red earthy terracotta stones.
Instantly, I was aware that this did not compare to my first labyrinth walk. I was in a state of awe. There was a tingling rush of energy that communicated with my nervous system. I was in the presence of something bigger than I was. It was a swirling field of energy that I perceived all around me. Every cell in my body rejoiced, and my molecules danced.
Only rare moments in my life have I felt this way. My first vivid childhood memory goes back to my seventh birthday, a gorgeous day in May. The sky was bright and blue, white puffy clouds floated leisurely along the horizon. I stepped off the school bus and walked home. A green ocean of lush vegetation stretched out in front of me. The dozen chestnut trees that surrounded the farm were ancient, towering protectors. In full bloom, their bright shining candles flashed like beacons of light. Their heavy sweet fragrance carried all the way to me, six hundred feet away.
I looked over to the farm and underneath the trees I saw what looked like a horse trailer. My heart began to race with joy. My dad had taken me to riding lessons the past year. All I wished for was to have my own pony.
I ran home as fast as I could. I heard the click-clack of my shoes on the gravel, but I floated. My entire body tingled. I felt a smile, big and expansive; I couldn’t stop smiling. The barn door stood open, inviting me in. I saw my parents first and then the pony. His silver grey fur felt soft and warm, his mane was black and a white blaze stretched from his forehead to the tip of his nose. I named my pony Rex, and he became my best friend. He had one brown and one blue eye. It is said that a blue-eyed horse has the ability to gaze into another dimension.
The second of these fine moments was when I painted my first abstract oil painting in Israel. Boundless energy rushed through my body. My brush swept quick, determined strokes over the canvas, as if guided by an invisible force. I was genuinely inspired and awake. At this moment, something completely new anchored into my physical reality, and it left me changed forever. I had grown and could not go back to my old outdated self.
These exhilarating states of inspiration, accompanied by the rush of light energy into every cell in my body, were fleeting and rare. I did not think it possible to reproduce them.
Now, when I walk the labyrinth, I am present in this expansive state of bliss. The expansive lightness rejoices within me for another hour after the walk.
I begin to walk this labyrinth regularly, four to five times a week. It assists me in my studies of the ancestral strength work. Each time, images surface that connect the pieces of the puzzle. The labyrinth becomes my spiritual transformation power tool and opens windows to deep and personal insights. I literally am in the presence of my ancestors.
One principle in Family Constellations is that we are influenced by what happened in our families up to seven generations back.
The traumas and difficult fates keep resonating in the family soul and create dissonance in our lives. An important observation is that the parents are big, and the children are small. This is the order of love, which allows for love and strength to flow freely from generation to generation. However, if we, as children, judge our parents and criticize them, we literally cut ourselves off from the flow of love.
Oftentimes, we may blame our parents for the shortcomings in our own lives. It seems natural to judge their behavior and criticize. We forget that they gave us the most important gift, the gift of life.
Through family constellations, I have learned that healing does not always begin with finding proof or understanding every detail of the past. Sometimes, it begins with a willingness to see what has been hidden, honor those who came before us, and accept the life that reached us through them.
The labyrinth continues to help me integrate this understanding, not by offering a straight path or easy answers, but by leading me inward, toward the center, and then back into my life with greater clarity. With each step, I remember that I do not walk alone. My ancestors are behind me, and their strength continues to flow forward.
Do you have a specific challenge or relationship you’d like to explore?
Embark on your journey of self-discovery. Connect to your Ancestral Power now. Schedule your Family Constellation today.
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